A brain synapse to nowhere

Senator Tom Coburn (R-OK) recently proposed a bill that would create a publicly accessible database containing details about government-awarded funds -- who got them, what the amounts were, etc. This was a refreshing piece of legislation that would shed sunlight on a system with much potential for corruption. The legislation was sailing through Congress, as it should have, when an anonymous senator placed a hold on the bill. This hold angered politicians on both sides of the aisle and outraged much of the blogosphere. Porkbusters led the charge in trying to smoke out the anonymous senator who seemed keen on derailing this rare bipartisan effort. The effort to identify this human roadblock was successful as the culprit has now stepped forward. It was none other than Senator Ted Stevens (R-AK), that crusty old piece of political compost.

If you'll recall, Stevens was the pork-loving brainiac who championed the infamous "bridge to nowhere". This was one of two bridges in Alaska that would benefit only a handful of people. This particular bridge had a price tag of $223M. When other senators dared to question this expense, Stevens became defensive and even threatened to resign if he didn't get his way (I'm not sure if he held his breath until they gave in, but I wouldn't be surprised if he did).

Also, Stevens is one of the biggest advocates of the elimination of net neutrality. If Stevens gets his way, his large campaign donors will be able to provide differentiated levels of services on the internet that would likely relegate us second-class users to the slow lanes of the information superhighway. And Stevens' asinine dissertational speech explaining the internet is nothing short of comic genius from a man who has clearly outlived his shelf-stable date.

So what can we do to clean up messes like this one created by temper-tantrum Teddy?

In terms of corrective measures, the first step would involve getting rid of dinosaurs like Stevens. He helps to destroy the credibility of Congress because of his wasteful spending, his shameless political favors benefitting his campaign contributors, and his all-too-frequent displays of stupidity. I hope Alaska realizes how much of an embarrassment this man is to their state and puts him out to pasture as soon as they possibly can.

A second step would be the elimination of this provision whereby a senator can anonymously put a hold on a bill. That's a ridiculous way to govern. Of course, it takes a special person to have the audacity to secretly put a hold on a bill that would provide sunshine and accountability on our legislative processes. Stevens is special in that way, though. His shamelessness apparently has no boundaries.

Finally, I think Congress should adopt one of the practices of NASCAR. You know how race cars are adorned with the logos of their sponsors? Well, we should require that legislators wear logos of their sponsors as well (see the picture of Stevens shown above). The bigger the sponsorship, the larger the logo. Then we can better understand why these scoundrels vote and behave the way they do. If someone votes to give big oil companies a tax break and he has Exxon and Texaco logos across the front of his suit, we'll know exactly what's going on.

I think that's only fair, don't you?